About my last post....

So after reading my last post time and time again & doing some much needed self examining I've come to realize a few things! One being I can't completely shut down to everyone & quit being me. My plan was that i was going to just stay out of it.... when someone comes to me I was going to just say I'm sorry this has happened to you & just try and keep as far out of it as i could. The more i think of that...thats not me & I dont want to lose who I am. I like to help people through thier struggles, be there for them when they just need someone to listen, in doing that sometimes comes as some like to call it Drama! No one likes Drama, but when you get involved in something that you feel very strongly about emotions start rolling & sometimes things head south! If helping others means i get faced w/ drama then so be it!! Now sometimes i get caught up in drama that i should have totoally avoided....or that is self inflicted, those are the types of issues i just need to avoid at all costs but for the most part thats not the case. I'm a caring person that trys to do the best I can with what I have, I like to think I'm a great friend, wife, daughter, all around I'm a good person. I have lost sight of this person at times but I'm back on track and already feeling better!

So it’s come to my attention that I’ve become a lot more hateful than I’ve ever been, I’ll say exactly what’s on my mind, the smallest things irritate me, I have no patients, and this is NOT me. Now that I look back this is very true, and how I’ve become this person…IDK?! I guess there have been several situations I’ve been faced w/ that have brought me to this point, but I don’t like it and I don’t want to be this person anymore. To all that have been a victim of this person…I’m sorry! My mom brought it to my attention & then I asked Joseph do you think that I’ve become this person honestly, and he said not to me but honestly yes. I'm so glad they told me b/c I really needed to hear that, and I knew I've been this person actually I thought about it a lot ...but I guess it just took them saying it for me to do some self examining & realize its true your not the only that see this!! There are parts of me that think it’s a good thing that I say what’s on my mind b/c I used to be ok w/ being ran over…I’m not anymore but I guess there is a better way to handle it than just blow up! I guess when you are that person that everyone comes to w/ their problems and once they are good again they are done, that gets old & and you aren’t as open b/c you know the drill. I kinda feel like we are always the people that help everyone get through their valleys and once they are up on that hill again they forget about us. Instead of looking at this as a bad thing I should probably look at it’s as a good thing. I should be thankful that we are able to help people through their troubled times, instead of expecting more! God puts people in your life for a reason & we too learned something from those people that we helped. I guess I’ve just become cold to all of that, and starting today I’m going to try and find that person I once was. The one that never met someone she didn’t like, always a friend to anyone in need, did whatever possible to help others! I’m not saying that I’ve totally lost this person ( nor was my mom or Joseph) b/c I still believe that I have a kind heart, but I just wouldn’t say I’m as open to others as I should & I can be rather negative at times. So again to all that have seen this side of me I’m sorry and I will really try to get better!

This was a few years ago at a Halloween party w/ Joseph's family, we had so much fun!